Question by Frankie: I need help with critique! Can someone critique my back cover(s) for a new novel?
I have a wattpad.com account (search me! @itsalandshark) and I’m planning on entering a competition they have entitled “the Watty Awards (2013)” and want a really creative idea. I’ve come up with 3 ideas so I would highly appreciate if someone could do the following:
*Critique all ideas (flaws and strengths)
*Interest level (on any scale {1-10, good-bad, creative-cliché etc)
*Which one you would rather read (if any) and BRIEFLY say why (don’t go all out. I need sharp, honest answers with REAL feedback. I’m not going to choose you if you talk them both up a big game. I will choose you if you kindly say the flaws and strengths, rate it honestly and explain why)
Alright! Here are my two ideas! 😀 :
Title: Expedition to Death
Thousands of years into the future, America and an alien race combatted in a fight, and America won. The damage was not limited, sadly. Seven teens in a protection-rebellion group are sifting through the damage, when one boy, Wyatt Marshall, is abducted by a follow-up of the aliens. No other Americans believe the six teens when they declare that there are another fleet of aliens, known as the Trollii, are racing out to attack the survivors. The post rebellion group- Amanda Frost, Aria Smyth, Ryder Kayndlis, Rocky Storm, Olivia Powell, and Kris Jordan- take a crashed UFO out to the Asteroid Belt, where a planet known as Zumoidia revolves. Due to the planet never revolving around the Sun, temperatures are cold, and there are scarce light sources. The six teens venture off into the depths of the planet, fighting off as many Trollii as they can until they find Wyatt- or worse. But what if a surprising villain puts their lives at an all out risk? And it’s not just theirs, but the entire planet’s fate as well.
Next one! 😀 :
Title: The Past is Darker Now
Kay Dawson and Rex Dawson, both twins from the 22nd century, are being used as scientific experiments for time travel. When they venture back through time, to the end of the 21st century, they find themselves on the playground of their school. Not realizing the damage they are about to cause, they talk it up with their past selves, rupturing time’s fabric. When past Rex kills a bully on the playground by bludgeoning his head with a metal baseball bat, past Rex and Kay turn on the future Rex and Kay. Running around the city, Rex and Kay begin to plan a war with themselves. To prevent themselves from committing future crimes, they are ready to do anything. But if they have to murder themselves, they won’t exist in the future. Now, Kay and Rex have to answer the hardest question they’ve ever had to: can I really kill myself?
Next one! 😀 (this is cliché since wattpad loves cliché books.):
Title: A Twisted Love Story
Ella Potter has always dreamed of becoming a famous actress, much like her father, Brian Potter. The day Ella lands her first movie, Brian is found dead in an alleyway, beaten to death by an unknown person who owned a blunt object. Ella decides to dump her first acting shot and participates in her father’s old television show, Lullaby Island. She meets many people on the show; a good friend with many secrets, Hanna Barli, a charming stepfather of her character who often fought with her father, Lionel Nichols, a scheming slut who was trying to seduce her father, Kylie Asher, and the love of her life, Leon Colsbaks. As feelings grow between Leon and Ella, she begins to involve him in an investigation of her father’s murderer. How twisted can you make a love story when you are partners engulfing in a crime that can, and will, have shocking revelations for everyone, especially Ella?
Phew. So, please read and give feedback. Thank you so much if you do! 🙂
Best answer:
Answer by Phylicia
Okay, for the first one: “combatted” is spelled “combated” or just remove it since “combat” and “fight” are the same thing. It would look like the following:
Thousands of years into the future, America and an alien race fought, and America won.
Instead of saying “Seven teens”, I’d say “seven teenagers” because people might think what you wrote what a typo.
Where you wrote: group are sifting through the damage. I’d change it to “group sifted through” since your story is in past tense and “are sifting” is present tense. Same with “is abducted” Wyatt “was abducted”. Same with “when they declare” Should say “why they declared”. And so forth. Unless that was supposed to be in present tense and the “combated” (past tense) threw me off.
As for the second: I’d rewrite the first part: “Twins, Kay and Rex Dawson…” Talk it up sounds weird, so I’d say “discuss it”. If it’s time travel. Yes they can kill themselves. Whether they’re in the past or future. If they’re in the past and survive until the future, they can wait to kill themselves in their “present/future”.
Last one: I’d change actress to actor, since technically, nowadays actresses are called actors and it makes it sound like her father’s a drag queen or something. Alleyway is two words. Lionel Nichols is a slut? Lionel sounds like a guy’s name. I don’t think guys can be sluts. Dawgs/Dogs maybe.
I think they’re all well written, as for which I’d personally choose, I’d say the second since I like the idea of time travel. So I’d consider that a 10. I’d consider the first a 5 1/2 maybe, because, well the numbers 7 teens, and 6 teens kind of throws me off more than anything. And as for the last one, I’d rate it a 4 or so because I’m not fond of the idea of lovers fighting crime.
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